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WILL'S INSTANT SCORECARD on TIGER GRILLING: Tiger, You Swung and Missed! And Your 'Inquisitors' Whiffed Worse!

Mon, April 5, 2010 2:41pm EDT by 1 Comment

040510_tiger_woods_screengrab_544_XXXXClad in a minty-pink-and-gray polo shirt the color of fat-free Neapolitan ice cream, Tiger Woods was similarly unfulfilling and went down way too easy for my eyes and ears — and I’m a naturally-inclined Woods-apologist who has watched every round Tiger has ever played at the Masters, and every major tournament he’s won, right down to the last putt.

Tiger Woods said no less than 11 times in his Masters press conference that just wrapped that he had hurt “people close to me” — but the breezy, chummy way he handled his “inquisitors” in the Augusta National media room fully betrayed a man who thinks he’s totally past his mistress troubles.

Mainly, and this is partially the fault of the assembled reporters who failed to pin him down on anything resembling a question about his cheating, he seemed smug, overly comfortable, and only marginally penitent.

Some bullet-pointed quotes for now —

*”I missed my son’s first birthday, and that hurts.”

*”I can’t go back to where I was.”

*His injuries from the car accident: Busted up lip and a pretty sore neck, and that was it. Five stitches.

*On why he didn’t talk to cops for a month after accident: “I did everything to the letter of the law. I followed that advice.”

*He claims he’s going to tone down his on-course celebrations: “I’m not going to be as exuberant.”

— Will Lee

Get the Latest on Tiger, His Press Conference & the Scandal:

  1. Elin Isn’t at the Master’s — But Who Could Blame Her When His Mistresses Are Expected to Turn Up?
  2. Tiger’s Mistress Joslyn James Comes Out Swinging Today!
  3. Elin, You’re So Much Prettier Than Any of Tiger’s Mistresses!
  4. Elin, Tiger Wants to Renew Your Wedding Vows – We Beg You, Don’t Do It!
  5. Elin, Way to Go Girl!  You’re Nowhere Near Tiger’s 2PM Press Conference!