Cheating men have so many things in common, don’t they? They usually have multiple mistresses, amazing wives they are two-timing, and one very important thing: a cheat enabler.
HollywoodLife.com defines a cheat enabler as: “A guy who goes to clubs and bars with your boyfriend or husband to find women who will sleep with him.” Yes, that is the technical definition. John Edwards had Andrew Young, Tiger Woods had Bryon Bell, and Reggie Bush had his bodyguard.
So, how do you know if you’re boyfriend’s best guy friend is just a pal … or a cheat-enabling wingman?
Cheating enablers “are common with a celebrity cheater” says Dr. Jenn Berman, marriage, family and child therapist and author of The A to Z Guide To Raising Happy Confident Kids. “Celebrities are always surrounded by people. They need cheating enablers, because their paychecks and livelihoods depend on their good graces.”
But, what if you’re just dating a regular Joe and not a celeb? Sorry — you’re still not safe! Any guy can find a cheat enabler easily. “Single guys get a vicarious thrill from helping their married guy friends cheat” says psychiatrist Dr. Carole Leiberman. “Why? Because single guys can then feel validated in believing that they are not missing out on anything. If someone is cheating, being married must not be so great after all. Single guys also get a kick out of it because they enjoy the male bonding and the ‘guys against the girls’ feeling that they used to enjoy in high school.”
Dr. David Eigen, Ph.D. explains the cheater/enabler relationship this way: “The cheater is supported by an enabler” which, in turn, makes the cheater believe that it’s OK for him to cheat. “It is based in co-dependency and they feed each other. Thee wing-man looks up to the cheater and will do anything to protect them — even things they normally would not do. There is a sense of belonging and importance.”
The best way to know if your man has a cheat enabler is to listen to his buddies. “If the wingman is always covering or making excuse for the cheater, you have to watch out. Your boyfriend’s friend should be speaking for himself, not your boyfriend. So, always listen carefully.”