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Sandra Bullock just found out her husband of five years, Jesse James, had a horrible, heart-breaking affair with a tattooed stripper — of course she’s hiding out! She’s likely grieving, crying, calling her friends and her sister .. but Sandra, you can’t hide forever.

That’s why we asked Kate White, Cosmopolitan magazine’s editor-in-chief and author of the new thriller Hush, how to get over the guy who humiliated Sandra and broke her heart.

Kate  tells HollywoodLife.com, “Sandra should give herself a little time to grieve.  She should hang with her girlfriends, vent, cry, cut up his clothes with a hacksaw … do things that make her feel good.” Kate says it’s even normal for Sandra to compare herself to the other woman. “You almost can’t help put compare yourself to her — ‘was she a better lover?’ ‘Did she make a better roast chicken?’  You just have to go through a freak out … but then, move on! Here’s how:

“Set a time limit for grieving,” Kate suggests. “Give yourself 48 hours and then move on! Just go cold turkey. Do not think about him! Every time you think about him, tell yourself STOP —  because otherwise it’s just like picking open a wound.”

Kate also suggests that Sandra needs to get back at the game as soon as she can. “Missing out a few appearances won’t hurt, but there are others depending on her, so she needs to put herself back out there.” BUT “don’t show yourself crying or with puffy eyes. And don’t go and get a drastic hair cut that will chop off all your hair!”

And while your girlfriends are so totally going to be there for you Sandra, “Set some ground rules for your friends.  They are caught up in the drama of it all, so tell your friends, ‘I don’t want to hear about him, and I don’t want to talk about him.’ Then, you just have to try and shut him out.” —Corynne Steindler