Bonnie Says! Hey Men – Don't You Dare Blame Sandra for Jesse James Cheating!

Fri, March 19, 2010 8:33pm EDT by 61 Comments
SplashNews.com

SplashNews.com

Men have actually told me today that Sandra Bullock should take part of the blame for Jesse James cheating — because she left him alone while she filmed  her hit movies , Blind Side and The Proposal.

I nearly fell over when one of my closest male friends actually said that. I hadn’t pegged him for a Neanderthal.

“Men need sex. You can’t leave a horny guy like Jesse James alone for months at a time, he’ll get up to no good,” the friend insisted. “The same thing happened to Elizabeth Edwards and Elin Nordegren — they let their husbands travel too much by themselves. They shouldn’t have allowed their men to be tempted!”

Sandra Bullock should have known that she wasn’t Jesse’s normal ‘type.’ He clearly had been attracted to strippers, porn stars, women with tattoos and implants. She should have known men don’t change,” another male friend opined to me

Shockingly, a third male friend snapped that Sandra shared the blame. “She was probably so engrossed in her career  – she was making out with Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal- and then she was campaigning for the Oscar, Jesse felt neglected.” Wow! I felt slapped in the face.

Weirdly, this situation seems to have empowered men to actually say what they’ve probably just thought all along. It must be something about Jesse’s obvious bad boy image versus John Edwards’ and Tiger Woods’ seeming propriety, that set them off.

But it also made me start feeling insecure and I wondered if Elizabeth Edwards, Elin Nordegren, Sandra Bullock and I are just naive about what really goes on inside the male brain and umm…nether areas! After all, haven’t social anthropologists decided that men really can’t help themselves from straying because they are biologically programmed to spread their seed around, in order to propagate their genes.

Maybe, us wives are really are taking too much of a risk when we leave our husbands alone.

So I called up “the experts” and told them about the disturbingly sexist responses I had heard from men,  who  until now I had considered enlightened and fully 21st century.

“It’s never OK to cheat when you love someone and you want to keep a relationship going,” retorted Cooper Lawrence, relationship expert and author of The Cult of Celebrity. “The only thing Sandra did wrong is choose a guy who happens to like strippers and porn stars, and she didn’t recognize the guy that he really was.”

Lawrence believes Jesse is impulsive with narcissistic tendencies. “He has zero empathy for Sandra. And he probably felt entitled to act on his impulses because Sandra was away. He felt abandoned. And when people are impulsive, they only think in the moment, they don’t think about the long-term consequences of their actions,” explained Lawrence, who certainly didn’t agree with my “primitive” male friends.

As for the “long distance” argument, Sarah Harrison, senior editor of YourTango.com, a relationship web site, wasn’t having any of that nonsense as a main excuse for cheating. “It’s easier today than ever to maintain intimacy when you’re away from each other . We have personal cell phones, skype, text messages,” she points out.

But she did feel that there must have been some underlying issues in the marriage — “Infidelity is a symptom and it’s actually pretty common. Couples do get past it, if they do the repair work together.”

That said, I’d bet no woman ( I obviously can’t speak for men) would blame Sandra if she didn’t choose to try and repair her marriage, after her public humiliation.

No one — least of all an Oscar winner who publicly thanked her husband — deserves to find out that he has bedded a tattooed stripper who then sold her tale to a magazine.

Sorry guys, no matter how much Sandra had to travel for business, Jesse James should have been able to keep it in his pants, even if primitive men couldn’t!

—Bonnie Fuller

Get More on the Jesse James cheating scandal:

  1. Hey BFFs — What A Burn! Watch Sandra Bullock Gush Over Jesse James!
  2. Shock! Sandra Bullock Moves Out! Is Her Marriage Over?
  3. Does Jesse James Have a Type … Tattooed? And Is Ink-Free Sandra The Odd Woman Out?
  4. EXCLUSIVE! The Day After The Oscars, Jesse James’ Alleged Mistress Complained About A Lack Of Sex
  5. Sandra Bullock Heartbroken! Will She Still Fight For Jesse James To Win Custody Of His Little Girl?

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Tweedman

Posted at 5:03 PM on March 22, 2010  

Okay, it’s not Sandra Bullock’s “fault” that Jesse cheated. Totally his responsibility, regardless of the circumstances. However, if she was surprised he cheated, she was probably the only one. Every single man who looked at Jesse and at his history knew he was cheating. He’s a cheater. A man who leaves his pregnant porn star wife for a Hollywood actress is going to cheat. When you consider that more than half of us (including the many of us who have never even met a porn star) cheat, no woman should be surprised when her man cheats. Good looking guys cheat. Ugly guys cheat. Rich guys cheat. Poor guys cheat. A man tends to be only as faithful as his options allow. The more opportunity a man has to cheat, the more likely he is to cheat. If you’ve been gone for two months, he’s been trying to cheat (successfully or otherwise) for about five weeks.

Guys are dogs. If you leave us in the yard and go out of town, we’re going to jump the fence. Am I proud of that? No. Is it true, no matter how much you wish it weren’t. Absolutely.

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getbacktowork

Posted at 6:10 PM on March 22, 2010  

“The more opportunity a man has to cheat, the more likely he is to cheat.” I love this line but think it is slightly off- just in that, I think a dorky guy who doesn’t get many opportunities is more apt to jump at his first chance than the hot guy that gets opportunities all the time.

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shagger

Posted at 12:54 PM on March 22, 2010  

R U kidding me people. A real man can stay faithful and supportive. What about all the military on deployments. Somehow they are able to control those urges and chanel their energies in other ways. Grow up!

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getbacktowork

Posted at 1:55 PM on March 22, 2010  

seriously? you think men in the military don’t cheat?!?! LOL… you’re right- when they’re in the middle of dodging bullets and killing people, they’re probably not f’ing around. if their minds aren’t twisted up from that, and they’re having a less bloody experience… well, i think it’s safe to say the cheaters will find a way to cheat if there is one. do all men cheat- no. will most men cheat if given the chance? yes. will most men f a cute girl if she comes on to them and they think nobody will find out? do i really need to type out that answer?

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Undulatory Soul

Posted at 12:08 PM on March 22, 2010  

Humans in General will always fail when it comes to temptation.Maybe you can evade it few times,but eventualy you sucumb.

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sad but true

Posted at 1:11 AM on March 22, 2010  

I’ve been drawn to this story and wasn’t really sure why until I read this blog post. Although I consider myself somewhat streetsmart, I’ve been way too naive with men similar to JJ.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m attracted to bad boys. I consider myself a happy, successful and independent woman, with a stable job and creative success as well. I’m blessed with many friends and an active social life. Without wanting to sound conceited, I can say I have no shortage of men who imply interest in dating me – some of them probably very nice men, if a little boring to me. However I always fall for the rugged, attractive, tattooed bad boys – the musicians, bikers, bartenders, younger men, alcoholics, etc. I treat them well; I’m attentive and generous and make sure not to make them feel inferior or threatened by my financial and social independence. But there always comes a point where they leave – usually after expressing some feeling of inferiority – and often they go next for a more submissive and less accomplished girl.

I wish i wasn’t attracted to men with these qualities. Because I realize they’ll never appreciate what they have when they snag a real woman with real emotions and thoughts. They want quantity, not quality. And I know they’ll never change. I feel like an idiot when they are the ones to leave, when I thought I was being this perfect partner. I realize I need to have a more careful selection process, but I don’t blame Sandra for falling for his type.

I guess I’m just wondering if you have to sacrifice passion for monogamy. I always fantasized you could have both, but if you’re attracted to bad boys, I guess it ain’t gonna happen.

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getbacktowork

Posted at 2:01 PM on March 22, 2010  

sorry to say— passion goes away. i’m sure there are exceptions, but i don’t think you can live with someone and expect you’ll have passion the rest of your life. but, that’s okay. as you get older, though there is always a thrill that you might want from sex/passion- other things become more important. we’re born liking sugar, but as we age we develop very sophisticated palates. i think of sex the same way- sure, it’s good, and if you have the emotion and “passion” to go with it- yes, that’s great. but it’s the obvious less sophisticated choice. a baby wouldn’t like vodka and caviar, but i have come to love it… maybe i’m just crazy or boring… but, after you’ve had kids, there are other things in life that just seem so much more joyful than sex.

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Dawn

Posted at 9:29 PM on March 21, 2010  

Jesse’s wife was 7 months pregnant when he left her for Sandra.Once a cheater always a cheater.

Sandra knew what she was doing and did it anyway.Karma.

Bonnie-interesting you’re sticking up for Sandra but you and the media sure didn’t stick up for Jennifer when Brad did this. In fact you took the cheaters’ sides.Why is that?

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SandyHomeWrecker!

Posted at 5:17 PM on March 21, 2010  

It is partly Sandra’s fault!! Jesse was still married to Janine, who was 7 months pregnant with their daughter when he and Sandra hooked up … yet nobody calls Sandra, the home wrecker that SHE IS.

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John Kaye

Posted at 5:10 PM on March 21, 2010  

WOW!!! You sure know how to run a guys nose in his stupidity. Jesse was stupid. Plain and simple. If you look at the bimbo he cheated on Sandra with, you have to know it wasn’t out of desperation. It was certainly not any woman most men would have anything to do with. Reminds me of Hugh Grants “Lady Divine”. It’s just plain stupidity stricking the male libido. Give the guy a break. He wants forgiveness. Jesse, you’re forgiven. Now get the @#%* out. She deserves better. What was she thinking anyway when she married him?

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Gerry Conway

Posted at 2:09 PM on March 21, 2010  

Not to be cruel, but Sandra Bullock married a guy whose previous wife was a porn star *while they were married*. A guy who left his previous wife when she was *seven months pregnant*. A man named after his distant cousin, the outlaw and murderer Jesse James. A convicted felon. A man who laughed on TV when his pit bull killed and ate another dog. Seriously, what on earth did she expect from such a jerk? Women who marry sports stars or guys named Jesse James, and are surprised when they act like self-serving fools, deserve no sympathy. Add women who marry politicians to that list of wives who should not be surprised when their men act like testosterone-addled neanderthals. Ladies who love ticking tomb-bomb narcissists, WAKE UP.

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kc

Posted at 7:45 PM on March 21, 2010  

you must be talking to me. yes i need to wake up and run from the narcissist.

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getbacktowork

Posted at 2:16 PM on March 22, 2010  

even fools deserve sympathy sometimes. just because someone takes a risk and gets burned doesn’t mean they don’t deserve sympathy. most of us aren’t perfect and do make bad decisions now and again throughout our lifetimes.

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TK

Posted at 12:24 PM on March 21, 2010  

First, I read that she left the house the day she was told by her publicist about the article with the mistress/skank’s interview about to be released.

Second… if you meet a man and he’s married with a baby on the way… then decide to steal him from his wife… take note… that will be you in 5 years (sans baby in this case)

Sorry, Bonnie, but I believe it is her fault for picking HIM to be her husband.
As Oprah would say… ‘when someone shows you who they are… BELIEVE THEM!’

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getbacktowork

Posted at 2:14 PM on March 22, 2010  

but what you’re saying is different… fact is, it is not her fault that he cheated, but she does have to take responsibility for her life, happiness, actions. so- she is responsible for marrying him, loving him, etc.- but not for his cheating. she owns her own life though and needs to choose good things for herself. she needs to figure that part out.

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Loves Sandra

Posted at 11:54 AM on March 21, 2010  

I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if eventually the world finds out that Jesse James (what a name–shows his narcisstic “I’m a Bad Boy” attitude right there) probably cheated on Sandra throughout their marriage. I think that she already knew at the Oscars. When she got up and looked like someone had slapped her in the face, her features tense and flat, I told my husband, “What’s wrong with her? She looks awful. She looks miserable.” She looked stiff and awkward, not the easy breezy Sandra Bullock we all know. There was terror in her eyes. As far as this article goes — THANKS for bringing in rebuttal to the comments of the Neandrethals. Men do tend to think with their johnsons, and will make excuses for their straying. The truth is, if a man can’t stay loyal while his wife is away, he’s probably never been loyal. I hope Sandra dumps him and finds a real man.

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getbacktowork

Posted at 2:12 PM on March 22, 2010  

this is true. the first time caught at anything is not usually the first time it’s actually been done. like drunk driving… how many times do people drive drunk before they’re actually caught? many…

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carley

Posted at 10:04 AM on March 21, 2010  

I’m irritated that common sense is not coming into play here. A man that has been married to certifiable playmates and used to a certain level and amount of sex like Jesse should not be left to his own devices for more than two weeks much less months on end. Yes, this is a grown man that SHOULD not need babysitting, but common sense would say I need to pay him more attention. Just because it’s appalling and probably makes a lot of women uncomfortable about how to keep their own guys locked into good behavior doesn’t mean this makes this situation and less than what it is: a good woman that was naive about what she got herself into. PLEASE don’t try to tell me that she made a good shopping choice looking for a man at West Coast Choppers. Really?

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visitor

Posted at 2:29 PM on March 22, 2010  

Please! Not be left on his own. She was working at a career that she’s had since before they got together. He knew there would be times he would be alone. If he couldn’t handle it, he should have said so. Plus they have plenty of $$$. If he needed/wanted to he could have gone to see his wife. He chose to cheat instead.

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Your Fan Friend

Posted at 2:37 AM on March 21, 2010  

Sandy:I hope you read this. I live in NC and have followed you from your days there at ECU and always knew you would go to the top with your career. I’ve been proud to a loyal fan to you because you have remained the same, sensitive, witty young woman from day one. Don’t let the tabloids end your marriage. It it is to end, let it be because after careful soul searching, you made the decision on your own. Sit with you family that loves you and then sit down with him. It may be just as bad as it looks on tv, but maybe it isn’t as bad as the sensationalism they can make it appear. My hear really hurts for the pain you are going through, you waited a long time to find “the one” that you were ready to spend your life with and then this happens. But find out what “this” is first, all of it, not just clever photos taken and the $30,000 whe was paid to make it really sound like a scandal. You are hurting, your fans are hurting for you. Surround yourself with family that loves you and friends that won’t push their advice on you. I have been there, done that, and got a tee shirt to prove it. My entire family are praying for you that

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Common Sense

Posted at 8:25 PM on March 20, 2010  

Ok Sophia if that would have happend 2 you, you would not say what you said! Everybody knows he was in the wrong but some choose 2 stay by his side anyways, but the one that stays by his side are the ones without common sense. Anybody who is taking up for this man is crazy! What do you want to happen…you want her to stop working to stop doing what she loves just so she can be a sperm dumpster for her husband! Question would you do it? And it pisses me off wen ppl take the side of the person who was to blame and end up blaming the innocent WOW!!!! I hope that yall would never end up in court to be the Jury!

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jerk

Posted at 5:35 PM on March 20, 2010  

Wow, that looks like a Ménage à trois (3-way) from hell in that pic.

Jesse made a vow. He wasn’t man enough to stand behind it. End of story. He should stand behind Sandra’s goals before worrying about his wee-wee.
He must have understood Sandra wasn’t a barefoot, pregnant and syphilitic kind of woman when he married her.

If they weren’t married, and Sandra was neglecting him, he could dump her and find someone more suitable.

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Lisa McLeod

Posted at 3:24 PM on March 20, 2010  

Men who use a wife’s absence to justify cheating belong in the same category as people who sue McDonald’s for getting them fat.

Question for those men – What would you say if Barbara Bush, Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama hooked up with the white House kitchen help because hubby was distracted by his job and – whine whine- just wasn’t paying enough attention to his wife?

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mimi

Posted at 12:28 PM on March 20, 2010  

o no it is not the tattooes —- it could be anything ….just doing it because they can and it is easy, and maybe the ho’s and the skanks should consider what they are doing to the wifes and children, again the egoisme…comes up, so sad …….all that ………mimi…..

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mimi

Posted at 12:23 PM on March 20, 2010  

Oh no —-some girls are just attracted to the WRONG men, = guess it is called bad taste?,in school it was the bad boys, remenber?…..but of course when you get married, there is like a secret code not to be abused……..and I am sure sandra thought she had the right end and would turn him around????. but no sandra it is in the blood…..and they do that the bad guys because it is an addiction…..it is exciting for them to go behind the wifes back……mimi

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Dr Rand Pink

Posted at 12:08 PM on March 20, 2010  

Is it possible Jesses loves tattoos so much that he knew he’d get caught resulting in tabloid stories – more ink.

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sophia

Posted at 10:46 AM on March 20, 2010  

I’m going to get it for this comment.However I agree with your male friend,and I’m a female.I don’t agree with what any of these men did.However I don’t think it is healthy for any marriages to leave your pathner,male or female for huge amounts of time to travel.I cannot tell you how many times I have been propositioned by married men who travel a great deal on business.These men are not necessarily scum,they are horny..and need company..and will get up to no good.Why do you think the majority of hollywood marriages fail?..too much travel not enough time together is almost always a factor…again what Jessie did was wrong.But your friend has a point.I’m currently seeing a married man who travels 4 days a week on business.

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Deborah

Posted at 11:45 AM on March 20, 2010  

At what point in time in yhis world are we going to make people responsible for their actions. And this leads to anpther very important issue.exposing his wife to the various diseases this “Bombshell” more than likely exposed both of them to. How do you love someone and not give them the choice of contacting the disease you are more than likely bring to your spouse after cheating,especially with a woman who openly is a party girl. Point two is Sandra did not change, she was a very famous. very busy actress when they met,dated and married.Is it actually that Jesse can no longer stand being Mr. Bullock,this is a successful man in his own right and he must have a good size ego, possibly he neede to go back to what made him feel important and the top of his game. The sorrow is breaking the heart of someone who loved and trusted you…both in past tense.

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notabimbo

Posted at 1:31 PM on March 20, 2010  

trash is trash

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don't ask

Posted at 6:34 PM on March 20, 2010  

@Sophie,

You can’t be serious. What you just said makes NO SENSE. If the man takes a job that requires HIM to travel 4 days a week–what it is exactly you are asking his wife to do? Wait, it is always easier to blame YOUR victim. A woman does not exist solely to be her hubby’s personal sperm receptacle and nothing else. Maybe yuou want wifey to rant and rave and get him fired so you can them meet him in bar while he is drinking away the baby’s formula money, bone him in his wife’s car–them blame her again for interfering with his career. Stop blaming the wife. Blame YOURSELF, blame HUBBY. Period. Grow up.

Oh,and, if you are in Chicago, maybe you should be careful whose husband you pick, she might have stopped sleeping wiht him becuse he started banging dudes, and is only with him for his excellent insurance coverage, now required becuse of the terminal illness he transmitted to the mother of his children. Hope he doesn’t give you HIV, too. Oh wait, I’m sure you will just blame the wife for that too. It just wouldn’t make sense to blame YOURSELF.

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whatevs

Posted at 8:33 AM on March 20, 2010  

Sandra has no responsibility in her relationship with Jesse whatsoever, she is an a-list actress and america’s sweetheart, she is beyond all of us.

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Gee

Posted at 6:51 AM on March 20, 2010  

After reading Sandra’s letter to the judge supporting Jesse’s desire for full custody of his daughter, something hit me square between the eyes. I wonder if his ex, Janine, didn’t hire the skank to try to entice Jesse to break up his marriage and keep him from gaining full custody. Sounds like she’s done him dirty from the beginning. Interesting that no one’s brought up that possibility. I’m not letting Jesse off the hook, but I am wondering about this.

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Jordan

Posted at 9:04 AM on March 20, 2010  

to Gee…I wondered the exact same thing and wouldn’t be surprised if James’ ex and the woman he cheated with are BFFs.

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Vic

Posted at 5:03 AM on March 20, 2010  

Sandra is a mature woman, who will handle this with grace and poise as we’ve all come to know her for. Jesse is a disgusting excuse of a man…who like all the other horn dogs out there..ahem..”Dave Alfred”, do not belong in marriages, they belong in open relationships that hold frequent key parties. (They are also giving nice guys like me a bad rep!) To each his own, this is the 21st century, Bullock was not a believer in marriage until her relationship with James so apparently she felt his suave was enough to dissuade her, while instead..he should have just been blunt and honest. Marriage is for those who desire one person for the rest of their life…not for people (and this goes for BOTH genders) who are fascinated with the idea of endless sex (or fame) and fun, but when it gets tough or boring…there is an excuse to move along the buffet.

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notabimbo

Posted at 1:37 PM on March 20, 2010  

Excellent comment Vic!
And I love your inclusion of both genders.
You are indeed a good and modern man.

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Amanda

Posted at 1:20 AM on March 21, 2010  

Nice comments, Vic. I wish there were more men like you around. :(

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kc

Posted at 7:56 PM on March 21, 2010  

Nice to know there are truly honorable men who understand what commitment and vows really stand for. thanks vic.

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Barbee Marlena Nina Kami Lisa

Posted at 12:13 AM on March 20, 2010  

Yep, the same female haters that say Jon Gosselin cheated on Kate because she yelled at him in ToysRUs and on the TV show. They admit it wasn’t right, but who could blame him because he was abused. Some women of a certain age were raised to respect men. They sit home all day on the computer while their wonderful husbands go to work and support them. Kate is now out supporting herself, and is independent, and it kills them.

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dave alldred

Posted at 12:06 AM on March 20, 2010  

YOU felt like you were slapped in the face? How narcissistic! This isn’t about you!
Yes, many men can have sex with others without feeling it lessens their love or commitment to their partners. I don’t “blame” many women for their feelings of betrayal, but, really, it’s time to embrace reality. These same women would probably feel equally betrayed if they walked in the bedroom and found their husbands masturbating. Again, it’s about getting off, not about you.

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Rogue

Posted at 1:17 AM on March 20, 2010  

Phone sex, then? I mean if “it’s about getting off.” Or as you said, he could have masturbated. I any case no third parties need to be involved. It’s known as a committed relationship, after all.
How would you feel if your partner came home after being away for a while and said: “I was horny, you weren’t there, so I slept with some guy/girl that was around?” Or only guys can do that?

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Carol

Posted at 7:36 PM on March 20, 2010  

dave alldred

Posted at 12:06 AM on March 20, 2010

Again, it’s about getting off, not about you.

How can we place any faith or trust in a man who thinks like this, how are we to have any respect at all for men if this is your be all and end all? How pathetic can you be?

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Susan

Posted at 12:40 PM on March 21, 2010  

If gorgeous Halley Berry couldn’t keep her husband’s and boyfriends from being unfaithful then what makes one Sandra Bullock can keep a man faithful ?She is a very classy andbeautiful down to earth lady who some men obviously just don’t appreciate. It is no reflection on these women just a serious selfish trait that a lot of self absorbed men have in our shallow world!

 
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Yes Sandra needs to Take Responsibility

Posted at 9:57 PM on March 19, 2010  

Your friend definitely sounds like a Neanderthal & that is a red flag about his integrity & maturity. NO ONE is EVER responsible for another person’s actions and choices. Jesse and cheaters like him have thousands of options in how they handle their insecurities and stress besides ripping their wives’ heart out and tearing it to shreds then letting their mistresses all take a turn.

However, there is some responsiblity for someone like Elin and Sandra to bear b/c they chose spouses knowing that they came w/ tons of warning signs. Woods: all his friends are philandering cheaters, he spends weeks away from home, his racist (I know, ironic) and sexist views.

Jesse James: comes from a family that honors and proudly name their children after their murdering outlaw ancestor, he is a crude, low brow, low intelligent, sexist pig. His porn star ex-wife alone screams run away. He cheated on his first wife w/ said porn star, dated Sandra while porn star was several months pregnant. LOOK at JJ, listen to him in interviews and on shows. I love, love, love Sandra as a person and as a movie star and think no one deserves this kind of pain and betrayal. However, if you believe that the scorpion won’t sting you (frog and scorpion fable), you ca’t be surprised when he does and tells you that’s his nature. I hope Sandra learns from this, examine why on earth she didn’t use her eyes, ears, common sense and brain for this choice and move on. I promise you she will go down in flames w/ him if she decides to stay. All the good will she earned over 20 years of hard work will go down the drain if she contintues to behave w/o self respect or intelligence.

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getbacktowork

Posted at 2:04 PM on March 22, 2010  

sandy needs to take ownership and responsibility for her own happiness. yes. but, she doesn’t need to take ownership and responsibility for jesse’s cheating. she just needs to make smart choices for her own sake, knowing what she knows… that’s different than taking responsibility for his cheating. it’s his, not hers.

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