Bonnie Says! Hey Men – Don't You Dare Blame Sandra for Jesse James Cheating!

Fri, March 19, 2010 8:33pm EDT by 61 Comments
SplashNews.com

SplashNews.com

Men have actually told me today that Sandra Bullock should take part of the blame for Jesse James cheating — because she left him alone while she filmed  her hit movies , Blind Side and The Proposal.

I nearly fell over when one of my closest male friends actually said that. I hadn’t pegged him for a Neanderthal.

“Men need sex. You can’t leave a horny guy like Jesse James alone for months at a time, he’ll get up to no good,” the friend insisted. “The same thing happened to Elizabeth Edwards and Elin Nordegren — they let their husbands travel too much by themselves. They shouldn’t have allowed their men to be tempted!”

Sandra Bullock should have known that she wasn’t Jesse’s normal ‘type.’ He clearly had been attracted to strippers, porn stars, women with tattoos and implants. She should have known men don’t change,” another male friend opined to me

Shockingly, a third male friend snapped that Sandra shared the blame. “She was probably so engrossed in her career  – she was making out with Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal- and then she was campaigning for the Oscar, Jesse felt neglected.” Wow! I felt slapped in the face.

Weirdly, this situation seems to have empowered men to actually say what they’ve probably just thought all along. It must be something about Jesse’s obvious bad boy image versus John Edwards’ and Tiger Woods’ seeming propriety, that set them off.

But it also made me start feeling insecure and I wondered if Elizabeth Edwards, Elin Nordegren, Sandra Bullock and I are just naive about what really goes on inside the male brain and umm…nether areas! After all, haven’t social anthropologists decided that men really can’t help themselves from straying because they are biologically programmed to spread their seed around, in order to propagate their genes.

Maybe, us wives are really are taking too much of a risk when we leave our husbands alone.

So I called up “the experts” and told them about the disturbingly sexist responses I had heard from men,  who  until now I had considered enlightened and fully 21st century.

“It’s never OK to cheat when you love someone and you want to keep a relationship going,” retorted Cooper Lawrence, relationship expert and author of The Cult of Celebrity. “The only thing Sandra did wrong is choose a guy who happens to like strippers and porn stars, and she didn’t recognize the guy that he really was.”

Lawrence believes Jesse is impulsive with narcissistic tendencies. “He has zero empathy for Sandra. And he probably felt entitled to act on his impulses because Sandra was away. He felt abandoned. And when people are impulsive, they only think in the moment, they don’t think about the long-term consequences of their actions,” explained Lawrence, who certainly didn’t agree with my “primitive” male friends.

As for the “long distance” argument, Sarah Harrison, senior editor of YourTango.com, a relationship web site, wasn’t having any of that nonsense as a main excuse for cheating. “It’s easier today than ever to maintain intimacy when you’re away from each other . We have personal cell phones, skype, text messages,” she points out.

But she did feel that there must have been some underlying issues in the marriage — “Infidelity is a symptom and it’s actually pretty common. Couples do get past it, if they do the repair work together.”

That said, I’d bet no woman ( I obviously can’t speak for men) would blame Sandra if she didn’t choose to try and repair her marriage, after her public humiliation.

No one — least of all an Oscar winner who publicly thanked her husband — deserves to find out that he has bedded a tattooed stripper who then sold her tale to a magazine.

Sorry guys, no matter how much Sandra had to travel for business, Jesse James should have been able to keep it in his pants, even if primitive men couldn’t!

—Bonnie Fuller

Get More on the Jesse James cheating scandal:

  1. Hey BFFs — What A Burn! Watch Sandra Bullock Gush Over Jesse James!
  2. Shock! Sandra Bullock Moves Out! Is Her Marriage Over?
  3. Does Jesse James Have a Type … Tattooed? And Is Ink-Free Sandra The Odd Woman Out?
  4. EXCLUSIVE! The Day After The Oscars, Jesse James’ Alleged Mistress Complained About A Lack Of Sex
  5. Sandra Bullock Heartbroken! Will She Still Fight For Jesse James To Win Custody Of His Little Girl?

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Kirby Sommers

Posted at 12:21 PM on April 10, 2010  

I have to agree that many of these women whose husbands have had affairs choose to ignore them. And, yes, for all the perks that marriage with a celebrity, politician, athlete or a wealthy man provides. Case in point, years ago I was hunted down (yes, as in hunted down) like prey by a billionaire named Ira Riklis. He didn’t take repeated no’s as an answer. So after stalking me, spying on me and pretty much manipulating me into becoming his “mistress” (sex slave is more appropriate) — he confided in me that his wife would send him off to have sex with prostitutes whenever they were in Europe. He told me she figured him having sex with a prostitute in another country wouldn’t jeopardize their relationship. I don’t know if she knew that he continued the practice whenever they’d return to the United States. But, come on, a man who has been greenlighted by his wife to play with someone else on different soil who then becomes unhinged when she finds out he continues to unzip when the urge arises is a hypocrite. As was Ira’s wife when she “discovered” I existed. -Kirby Sommers

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Joy

Posted at 7:17 PM on April 1, 2010  

Wow Bob. Wow.

While mostly true, your comments are truly a slap in the face. What you wrote is the main reason I am teaching my beautiful girls to NOT get married. Of course one day I would love to have grandkids, but I will sacrifice so my daughters will not ever have to feel the pain of betrayal..I will have to say I do not know one woman who has not been cheated on by their husband. How sad is that? The talks I have with my girls are healthy ones, but they are open and honest ones. I am sure, somewhere, there is a good man who will love a woman without the constant thoughts like you state Bob. I know all anyone woman I have ever talked to wants is a man who would love them like they love their man….in general these women are supportive, loving, sexual, in shape women….but it just doesn’t seem to matter what you do…the man strays. And we can’t just blame the man, because I also know a lot of girls and woman who will only go for the guys who are married, and practically stalk them until they give in.

Yuck.

How depressing for my girls….I have a son as well – I hope I have taught him how to treat his future wife, and not to stray…but who knows???

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Bob Sacamano

Posted at 8:54 AM on March 30, 2010  

There are a number of specious conclusions in the article. Just because technology in general has afforded more communication options for couples does not mean that these options were available to Bullock or James. Nor are these methods necessarily a replacement for physical intimacy. Secondly, what evidence is there that he has zero empathy? He did issue a public apology. Thirdly, what’s inherently wrong with a guy who likes strippers or porn stars?

Why does this have to be a public humiliation? I don’t know. I, perhaps I am alone, think nothing different about Bullock. She is not lesser or more in my view.

If everyone thinks adultery is so bad, maybe they should do something more than complain about it. The fact is, people can sleep with whoever consents whenever they want whether they’re married or not. That’s life. Think your partner hasn’t stepped out on you? Maybe you should think again. If you pick a random married person, there’s a 41% chance at least one of them has been unfaithful emotionally or physically. And that’s just what people admit to. http://www.infidelityfacts.com/infidelity-statistics.html

I tend to think that the majority of men put in James’ position (or say Tiger Woods)– famous, rich, and having ass tossed at him left and right would act the same.

I mean it’s a joke really. The first night this guy meets this chick, he’s already having sex with her? Tattoos or not, she’s physically attractive. She looks like a STD waiting to happen, but still. That’s living the dream for many guys. A dream endorsed by a large portion both male and female (if tacitly, they are complicit).

Hell, I bet there’s a large percentage of guys who would take his crappy marriage, infidelity, and the annoying media over what they’ve got presently.

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LunaTec

Posted at 6:30 PM on March 29, 2010  

You need new friends. Neanderthals? How satisfying are those friendships? Listen, as much as Hollywood would like the world to believe that women are objects for men’s entertainment, it simply isn’t true. Women are people, just like men. Slightly different genitalia, lots and lots of different social conditioning. Besides, somebody had to make a living. Reality TV “stars” aren’t known for their long shelf lives dear. ;)

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tim wick

Posted at 3:30 AM on March 26, 2010  

I’ll give you that much–don’t blame sandra for Jesse’s behavior. But don’t blame Jesse for Jesse’s behavior either. He was a white trash gear head dressed in tattoos with a mouthful of tobacco when she met him and he still is. He has been incapable of monogamy all his life. did she think “I am Sandra, he won’t cheat on me!!!” No. it is the eons old story of the woman out to change the bad boy. In this case the disgusting boy — but of course she is no beauty queen herself and her acting skills, well let’s just they have improved some. Remember ‘Speed’. That should have ended her career, then we would never have had all of this nonsense. These people aren’t worth the ink being used to write about their sordid wasted lives. Knock it off.

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P. Austin

Posted at 7:15 PM on March 24, 2010  

“I think he is jealous of how talented she is”

WRONG!

Ladies, pay attention. Men like sex. The only thing better than sex, is sex with a new woman. Now a man who’s whipped or has his nose wide open (say at the beginning of a relationship) will be good BECAUSE IT’S A NEW WOMAN.

When the newness wears off, he’s looking around.

Sorry to break it to you all like this, but the far majority of us would cheat if we could and had a guarantee we could get away with it. Women can help by keeping it spicy in the bedroom, staying in shape, etc. But again, the inclination is to get something new.

As Bill Maher said, you guys go out and buy new shows when you have perfectly good shoes in the closet. Why do you want new shoes? Because their new! Hello…?

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CGI

Posted at 6:49 PM on March 24, 2010  

I’m going to judge a book by the cover…

I was really surprised when I’d heard she was going to marry Jesse James. Look at him. The image he carries. Typical cliched bad boy. Meanwhile, Sandra has always struck me as a really normal down to earth person. I even have this feeling that she was THE pretty girl in high school who was genuinely nice to everybody.

My point? It’s obvious that he’d prefer the stripper type.

As a man, all I can say is it’s his loss not Sandra’s. Granted I know nothing about the inner workings of their relationship, but there’s no excuse for cheating.

Was she naive? I don’t know her at all, but yes, maybe.

The guy’s a complete idiot, and i sincerely hope Sandra has an airtight pre-nup.

What a jack@55!!!

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harleygirl

Posted at 2:44 AM on March 24, 2010  

Holy crap! Excuses Excuses!Sandra is NOT to blame for anything!She fell inlove and everyone who falls inlove gets blinded in certain ways but HE is the one who did something wrong here.I do believe that they are both so different (Sandy and Jesse), it was hard to see them together but why the heck go into a marriage with someone if you are not totally and completely inlove with them and DONT WANT to be with anyone else. Whatever happened to respecting one another and not wanting to hurt the one you love?!!Janine was a skank with a bad temper and so was this slutty homewrecker that got him to cheat. She’ll understand one day when she falls inlove and the guy cheats on her. Karma! I hope that happens!I hope it happens to all the skanks out there to sleep with men who are taken!!! I hate, loathe and despise you whores who don’t give a crap about anyone but yourself. Selfish!I hate men who think that just because they need sex that it gives them an excuse to whip it out and do something they know is wrong!! He’s got money, he could have gone to be with her when she was away!!!He could’ve cared about her feelings!! He could have been a real man who isn’t weak and lets his peck peck control him!! I mean how sad it is to let your member take control and ruin your life!! Give up something wonderful..for trash!! Sandras amazing, seems down to earth and has acomplished so much. She’s a catch!He shouldn’t have married her if some pale trashy bimbo could get him to ruin this relationship. But…Men are stupid. That statement about men just not being able to stay loyal because its in their nature is a load of crap!They use that as an excuse to be able to get away with it. Its all about respecting the one’s we love. The one’s we ACTUALLY LOVE!!!! Losers!!!!

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cleigh

Posted at 8:45 PM on March 23, 2010  

NOW ISN’T A HORRIFYING PHOTO!

Sandra be strong. Do whatever your head tells you is right. We fans here will love you and just wish for your happiness.
It is after all between you and Jesse.

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cleigh

Posted at 8:43 PM on March 23, 2010  

<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sandra be strong. Do whatever your head tells you is right. We fans here will love you and just wish for your happiness.
It is after all between you and Jesse.

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Times are changing...

Posted at 7:24 PM on March 23, 2010  

It just seems like men no longer value relationships, if ever they did… I think no matter how much notoriety or money a man has, he’ll pull out his “mini-me” and do what he pleases and feels well justified doing so.

Marriage has become a beast and so has the expectation that ALL men value what women value. It’s not an emotional decision for them…

I don’t know, I just think we should abolish marriage!

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jack61

Posted at 9:54 PM on March 23, 2010  

My Grandmother always said that man is not by “nature” interested in monogamy. It always shocks me that women in general are fascinated with the bad boys and then disappointed that their behavior does not change or reverts to old ways. Women in general try to change the very thing that attracted them in the beginning. You can spread misuidance equally..for their mutual disappointments and sadness they share, they share equally.
Grandmother always said it takes two to tango, and that you should always guard the hen house. In his case, she did not guard La Case Del Gallo…..

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Jackie

Posted at 2:22 PM on March 23, 2010  

Raechele, I totally agree!
These men blame her for leaving him alone, but then complain because we smoother them or “don’t trust” them…

Jessie should have kept in his pants if he really loved Sandra! Michelle is totally trashy and ugly. She doesn’t even compare to Sandra!

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Raechele

Posted at 4:13 AM on March 23, 2010  

Maybe women should start cheating with male internet studs whenever their men are out of town or stop watching them for a minute. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

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Raechele

Posted at 4:09 AM on March 23, 2010  

First of all, I’d like to address the whole husband’s right to cheat business. What about business men who travel? Should their wives be allowed to fool around because they’ve been left behind? Should the men be allowed to fool around under the excuse that they are forced to be away from their wives and therefore they must seek sex wherever they are? If men are watched all the time and not given any freedom, they complain that they are smothered, but then, men are inferring that if we women don’t watch them like a hawk, they’re going to stray. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. What I get from this is that men will cheat no matter what. They’re going to find an excuse for bad behavior if they choose to behave badly.

Who’s to say that after two failed marriages and several failed relationships with strippers, sluts, and porn stars, Jesse thought that maybe he needed to change his type to have a successful relationship. After all, we’re told by experts all the time that if we have relationship issues, we should look at what we’re going for, and change what doesn’t seem to work, right? If he decided to change his type and Sandra believed that he was trying to find someone different in order to have a more successful relationship, is it really her fault she believed that he really wanted someone who wasn’t like the women of his past?

Everyone needs to find an excuse for their bad behavior, be it cheating, stealing, killing, etc. It’s what helps them sleep at night. More than likely, the men who support Jesse and blame Sandra have either cheated, intend to cheat, or dream of cheating. If they can find a reason to make one of America’s sweethearts at fault, they can find excuses to blame their own partners and alleviate their guilt. It’s a form of projection. Make the other person the bad guy, and you don’t have to feel guilty. Simple as that.

The plain truth is that women are afraid because if someone as beautiful, smart, funny, talented, lovely, and successful as Sandra Bullock can be cheated on, no one is safe. Reality is that no one is safe. Remember Jennifer Aniston? At least Jolie is not a tattooed slut who shows her naked body on video for men’s enjoyment. Oh, wait… Never mind… Deja Vu!!!

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muriel Geny-Triffaut

Posted at 6:53 PM on March 22, 2010  

Bonnie:

You wrote it the best way it could be written: Jesse James should have kept “it” in his pants and he didn’t. I have a BF of over three years with whom I have the best relationship ever. We had to be separated here and there, up to over 6 weeks (it is a LONG time when you are in love and horny for one another) and yet this man has always been faithful and only in lust and love with me. Men who don’t cheat are a rare species, but they do exist. It is all about who you are and how you wish to conduct your life. Sandra Bullock is a hard working woman who should be hailed for her career and her successes. If poor Jesse James had the urge to have sex “once” it could be somewhat “understood”…. however we are arguing about a full-fledge affair that lasted months. It takes deceit, lies and some mastermind to have it all going while your wife is working…. Jesse James is just one of too many guys who think being the way he is is “ok”. It is not “ok”. It is called betrayal, deceit, lies and over all, cheap cheating. Look at who he picked? Frankly, M McGee has a hot body, but for the rest…. she is just a bimbo looking for attention. Poor choice and poor judgement. Sandra Bullock deserves better then a hunk who thinks his pants should be unzipped at any moment he chooses to….

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Kim

Posted at 5:04 PM on March 22, 2010  

I think he is jealous of how talented she is. She has way mre class them him. Look at who he cheated with and who he was with in the past. Sandra move on and cut your loss.

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