Jessica Simpson, Please Stop Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places…

Tue, February 9, 2010 7:00pm EDT by 1 Comment

…and head to California! A new report says the Golden State city is the best place to get a guy, and trust me – the report is right!

I hate to say it, Jessica Simpson, but this Valentine’s Day is going to suck for you. I mean, single girls around the globe have always declared Feb. 14 to be a non-holiday, then gone out, drank heavily with girlfriends, and convinced themselves that ‘girl-power’ makes them happy.

It ain’t true.

This V-Day is your first time in a long time as a single girl. This means no candy hearts (unless your dad buys one for you out of pity), no lingerie (same – gross – but then again, your dad IS the uber-creepy Joe Simpson), no roses and no kisses (read above: it’s called making out with a random to make yourself feel better).

Last year you had Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, but the cad dumped you on your 29th birthday. The cad. And although everyone thinks you’re dating Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan, both you and I know you’re just friends.

Part of the problem, Jess, is location, location, location. You’re living in New York City at the moment – which is hands down the WORST place on the planet to meet dudes. They’re all too ambitious, too driven, too boring (for my liking, at least). Trust me, I lived there for four years – and know how hard it is to take a bite out of the rotten Big Apple dating scene.

But now that I’ve moved to California, let me tell you girl – I’m happy as a clam. Boyfriend? Check. Quality of men? Again, double check (but hang out in Venice or Santa Monica, the guys in Hollywood are hot messes).

Don’t believe me? Check out the Daily Beast, who did your man-mapping homework for you! The top three cities in the US to find love are in – hello! – California (Long Beach, Anaheim and Santa Ana, to be exact). So OK, Los Angeles isn’t really up there in the top 10 (it’s #64, to be exact) but hey, it worked for me…

Happy boy-scouting, Jessica! In the mean time, enjoy spending this Valentine’s Day as a single gal – it could be your last!


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