If you think he’s cheating, have you considered peeking?
So, you think you have a Tiger Woods situation on your hands: you’re almost positive that your man is cheating — he’s checking his cell phone constantly, coming home late from work, acting suspiciously … you just know something’s up. Do you pull an Elin Nordegren and check the text messages on his cell, in search of a love note from Rachel Uchitel?
“In this situation, absolutely of course you should,” says Cooper Lawrence, developmental psychologist and syndicated radio show host. “You need confront him and say, ‘Is there something I need to know about?’ The problem is most people lie when confronted, so you need hard evidence.”
Cooper also explains that texts can also be good insight into the nature of the relationship between your guy and the other woman. “There’s a big difference between ‘I want to have sex with you all night, come here right now’ versus ‘you’re the only one I’ve ever loved.’”
Before you rush to pick up his phone, though, you should consider the fact that peeking through his personal correspondence is a violation of privacy. Liz Langley, featured relationship blogger for Alternet, says “I wouldn’t advocate it – I value my own privacy too much to think it’s OK to violate other people’s.” But then she adds “Ask me again if I think I’m in monogamous marriage to someone and I suspect he has umpteen mistresses, and I might answer otherwise.”
If you have solid evidence that your man is a cheater, you have probably already considered snooping. But constantly checking up on your partner breeds its own problems. “Checking technology (like cell phones, email, etc.) is a compulsive-type of action. And it can definitely take its toll on a relationship,” says Amy Levine, sex expert and founder of www.sexedsolutions.com. But, she adds, “in this case the damage started when Tiger made the first move to be unfaithful.” Amen!
Even if it turns out to be the worst-case scenario, if you decide that you want to work on your relationship, you absolutely can. Cooper says “a lot of couples get back together after an affair; it’s a symptom of a bigger problem.” But in order to get past it, she says your partner “has to hit rock bottom, like an alcoholic.”
Most importantly, you MUST have a conversation with your partner if you still want to be together. “Admit that you guys have problems, here’s the evidence, now we can get help and move on.”
What do you think, did Elin did the right thing? Would you consider checking your partner’s cell phone for evidence of an affair?