J-WOWW, Something's Wrong! Your Breasts Are Immovable Mounds! We Get Docs To Explain

Fri, January 15, 2010 6:53pm EST by 4 Comments


Jenni,  we know you’re proud of your implants but seriously, they don’t move ….ever!

We asked three top plastic surgeons why your pair don’t look like anything seen in nature and we hate to tell you this, but the docs think something went terribly wrong with your surgery! Jenni Farley, you better go get those babies checked by a professional, because you may have “capsulated contractures!”

“She most likely has capsulated contracture. They look very spherical. They [the implants] are placed above the muscle. You can see the sharp transition from the chest wall,” explains Dr. Paul Lorenc, Plastic Surgeon in Manhattan.

She may have a “rare reaction, capsular contracture,” agrees Dr. David Shafer, Board Certified Plastic Surgeon in Manhattan. Jenni has “thickened scar tissue around the implant. It squeezes it like saran wrap and that’s why you get the tight look,” he explains of this condition. Besides, “the implants that she has are way to big for her body shape. The natural breast width is very much smaller than the implants they put in there, which make them look abnormally large. And, the skin is very thin over the implants,” he says.

Dr. Neil Saddick also agrees that it could be this condition, or two other scenarios. He says, “It could be contracture of the breast where the capsule around the implant contracts, improper placement of the implant, or improper care post-surgery causing them to be immobilized.”

So, Jenni, you “should seek the advice of a Board Certified Surgeon who has a lot of experience with secondary surgery,” suggests Dr. Lorenc. And, when you do decide to have your implants fixed, you should “get a smaller implant placed UNDERNEATH the muscle to get a more natural look,” advises Dr. Shafer. This should really help your chest look less anchored, and in turn more REAL!

This may not be your goal but we bet if they look just a little softer, you’ll be a magnet for even more Jersey Shore guys!

- Lindsey DiMattina

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Posted at 5:03 PM on January 16, 2010  

i’m a chick and didn’t notice…. but she’s got to be mortified by this article. seriously.

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Posted at 9:35 AM on January 16, 2010  

Fake breasts are gross when done for vanity rather than necessity. Cracks me up that men get aroused by a sack of silicon with skin stretched over it.

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Posted at 10:49 PM on January 15, 2010  

I give you guys major props for doing your research. You guys just made your own news. So sick.

I honestly can’t stop staring at her chest. It’s getting ridiculous.

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Posted at 7:10 PM on January 15, 2010  

Whoaaaa I’ve always wondered about her boobs. I’ve never seen anything like them.

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