Heidi, your pop star dreams still need some fine-tuning.
How many generic songs about clubs and paparazzi can one album have? Twelve, according to Heidi Montag‘s debut disc Superficial, which was released earlier this week. Like Heidi herself, the album should be considered a work in progress — a rough-around-the-edges effort with a couple of catchy tunes for those brave enough to explore the album in its entirety.
Superficial is just as over-produced as you’d expect a Heidi album to be. In fact, there are some points when you can barely hear Heidi’s breathy words over busy beats and sporadic whooshing sounds. And considering Heidi dished out $2 million of her own money to have the CD produced (on Spencer Pratt‘s label, no less) it’s no wonder that the disc has her thumbprint all over it. And going with the superficial theme, Heidi made sure to have lots of plastic surgery (10 procedures in one day!) prior to the album’s release.
Heidi’s approach to her music (and her life) is best summed up in the lyrics of the album’s title track. “I don’t care that I keep pissing people off / I’m a lot of talk, I don’t give a damn what they say.” At the end of the day, she really doesn’t care what you think about her music. She’s going to make it, she’s going to promote it and she’s going to love it. For God’s sake, she even compared her album to Thriller in an interview with Entertainment Weekly!
Here are two of my favorite tracks, for various reasons…
- “My Parade”: Maybe I’m alone on this one, but I like to think Heidi has a self-congratulatory parade going on in her head at all times — and every clown is dressed like Lauren Conrad. Now she finally has a song for them to march to.
- “I’ll Do It”: The lyrics to this song are beyond comprehension. “Come eat my panties off of me / Do whatever you feel comes naturally.” Sorry, Heidi, but most people’s natural reaction to a thong is not to eat it. But then, not everyone shops for lingerie at Spencer’s Gifts.
If you’re already a fan of Heidi’s shenanigans, you’re probably going to enjoy Superficial — but if you’re one of those other kinds of people with “taste,” Heidi’s debut will probably end up in whatever category you put Paris Hilton‘s “Paris” in. I shamefully call that category “my iPod.”
— Andy Swift