Tiger Woods–your wife Elin has finally started bravely appearing in public with your beautiful children and she is a fraction of her former self!
Poor Elin–never looked like she had an extra pound to spare on her 5′ 10″ frame, but now after the revelations of your 14 or 15 alleged mistresses–there’s no other word to describe her, than “pale” and “gaunt.” Her suffering is revealed in her none thin arms. Her neck, clavicle, and chest are verging on emaciated. She looks like she’s dropped a good 12 pounds in the past two weeks. She looks as skinny as Angelina Jolie on a thin day!
So Tiger Woods—when I read today’s New York Post with its banner headline—Tiger’s Agony—“he’s only just coping—he’s on the edge,” according to a source close to your camp—I had just one thought: NO ONE’S going to throw you a PITY PARTY!
What drug—Ambien…Vicoden…are you on, Tiger ? Or is your ginormous ego still so massive that you can’t see beyond your selfish self to see that no one is going to feel sorry for you. The fact that your wife is probably not speaking to you and that your multi-million dollar endorsement deals are evaporating by the day, is the fault of only one person—You!
No one forced you to have sex with multiple alleged mistresses! No one forced you to party regularly in night clubs around the country with your hands around the waists of endless tarty girls.
It’s a miracle that poor Elin hasn’t put a golf iron down your throat! I can’t think of any woman—shall we say—in the entire 6.6 billion person world—who has been SO humiliated by her husband in, let’s see…the LAST CENTURY!
So the fact that you’re whining to some friend that everything is coming crashing down around you,just shows that you are a lost cause. You are incapable of putting yourself in your wife’s shoes and changing your ways.
Listen—you’ve clearly got a HUGE problem that no doubt requires years of therapy. You incessantly cheated with a boatload of women—though Lord knows how you kept them all straight—for numerous years. That was a world class talent in itself.
In any case, you chose to spend hours, days and weeks with tarted up babes instead of with your own adorable babies.
You chose to run your hands through their hairsprayed locks rather than through little Sam and Charlie’s sweet soft hair! When I look at pictures of your babies, I just want to eat them up, they’re so deliciously adorable.
Somehow you didn’t see that! You had eyes only for babes in short skirts. You didn’t NEED your precious wife—who thin as she now, is proudly holding her head high—and your precious children. No—you chose to fulfill other needs!
So stop whining Tiger! No one’s coming to your pity party even if you try to throw one for yourself!
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