Click to Skip Ad
Closing in...

Hey Tiger: You're Such A Jerk! You Thought You'd Get Away With It! Just Like These Other Guys!

Thu, December 3, 2009 12:48pm EDT by 17 Comments

Tiger Woods—What Planet Have You Been Living On?

Have the names Kobe Bryant, Eliot Spitzer, John Edwards, A-Rod, and Jon Gosselin never entered your consciousness? Did you really believe that because you’re the top golf player in the world and you’ve made a billion dollars that puts some sort of magic invisibility shield around you? Did you think that text messages and voice mails that you allegedly made to a 24-year-old cocktail waitress, Jaimee Grubbs—who now says she had a steaming hot affair with you—would somehow evaporate into the stratosphere?

I guess there must truly be something in the air around the heads of uber-successful men in the worlds of sports, celebrity and politics that makes guys like you feel especially all-powerful and untouchable. Do you believe that money and power means you can operate on a different playing field in your personal relationships than us regular folks, especially us female folks.

Guys like you think that even if you have beautiful, smart accomplished wives who give you adorable children and who support you in your every endeavor, that still isn’t enough to satiate your sexual appetites as well. Tiger, while you didn’t completely admit that you’ve cheated in your carefully worded public statement on Dec. 2, you did admit to “transgressions.”

I think that we’re safe to assume that the affair allegations made by Jaimee, and some of the other nooky nooky allegations with other women being documented by other media outlets—must be true—or you wouldn’t have felt compelled to have ever released that statement.

You know what? If even one of those claims is true—whether it’s the sexy sleepovers with Jaimee or that you paid to fly VIP club hostess Rachel Uchitel to Australia for a hookup, or that you had your hands under the skirts of girls in nightclubs—then there’s just one word to describe you—billion or no billion—and that’s JERK—J-E-R-K!

I don’t blame any of the women who might have allegedly had some hanky panky time with you! And I certainly wouldn’t blame your wife Elin for finally losing it and taking a golf club to your car. No, I blame you for, in Jen Aniston’s words—lacking “a sensitivity chip” and feeling “entitled” to step out on your wife.

And then Tiger—let’s talk about your alleged complaints about “bad sex” with Elin, your wife. Badmouthing Elin’s sex drive (allegedly) is just another pathetic excuse for your behavior. “Tiger said the sex with Elin just dried up,” a source close to one of his alleged gal pals apparently told the New York Post, the paper reported today. “He said his sex life with his wife was miserable. He said the old adage is true—once you get married, the sex stops,” claims another source to the New York Post.

Tiger—I don’t even know what is more despicable—cheating on your wife or blaming her for “making” you cheat?