Click to Skip Ad
Closing in...

Hey, New Moon Fans: You Sure Showed Those Critics — To The Tune of $72.7 Million, Bonnie Says

Sun, November 22, 2009 1:03pm EDT by Add first Comment


Hey girlfriends, what was the problem with all those vampire-dissing, love-lacking movie critics who were so stingy with their stars?

Guess they’re just a bunch of film geeks, who are lucky they go to preview screenings cause they wouldn’t get anyone to go out on a Sat. night movie date anyway! We showed them what us girls could do at the box office when there’s finally a film with a dramatic unrequited love triangle, all kinds of roadblocks to romance and both breathtaking naked male abs and a gorgeous, brooding, chiseled face.

I just came back from seeing New Moon for the second time and I can bet those critics never hoot, holler and gasp during any movie they watch — not like we do. I took my teen daughter and three of her friends, and the first two words they had to say when the lights came back up were — ” TAYLOR LAUTNER” ! Then, “TAYLOR LAUTNER’s ABS!”, Then, “IT’S SO UNFAIR — the ending is so sudden — HOW ARE WE GOING TO WAIT UNTIL NEXT SPRING FOR THE SEQUEL?”

Are you listening, Summit Entertainment? Not only did New Moon obliterate records – becoming the BIGGEST Fri/single day record EVER, according to but you’ve got millions of females desperate for your next installment, already. Word of warning to Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner: better get used to NOT living in obscurity. Like it or not, K-Stew and R-Patz, you are celebrities now. And Kristen, good time to lose the smokes or you won’t be able to handle any more of those desperate running scenes. Besides, your skin is so porcelain-perfect, you really don’t want to do anything to age its perfection!

Bonnie Fuller